![]() Brene Brown reminds us, “You cannot selectively numb emotions. What you initially used to try to assert some sense of control eventually may have started controlling you.įor most people who attempt to cope through numbing (consciously or subconsciously), you have spent so long attempting to push everything down or away to get through your everyday lives that the prospect of feeling is scary. The more driven your mind was to achieve that relief, the more it pursued those behaviors regardless of the cost to your personal life, family life, or work life. And the more you implemented these numbing coping strategies, the less effective your efforts became, which meant it took more restriction, exercise, working, distraction, substances, binging, purging, gambling, sex, and/or self-harming to achieve relief. Each time the feelings returned, they were more intense than the last time. This is true even if our attempts to numb rationally had the likelihood of being harmful to us in the long term, which helps us better understand how people develop coping responses through seemingly harmful behaviors like addictions, eating disorders, and self-harming.Įventually, when the distressing feelings came back, as they inevitably do when we aren’t processing through the situations or events that are contributing to their presence in the first place, your brain was even more determined to make the distress go away again. Once our brains realized that introducing behaviors that numbed our feelings and released pleasure chemicals in our brains helped us navigate our short-term distress, they were willing to go to extremes to make that relief happen, especially if we were not aware of or did not have access to other resources to help us feel better. Many times, feeling better meant distress, anxiety, sadness, fear, discomfort, insecurity or anger lessened, at least temporarily. Maybe it started with one drink to “take the edge off.” Or maybe you learned that when you caused yourself physical harm, you felt a bit of emotional relief, as your body would have no other choice other than to focus on responding to the place of harm. That sweet, creamy flavor made everything feel a little better momentarily. Or maybe it was a half-gallon of ice cream. “Just keep yourself busy so you only have time to sleep,” you would tell yourself. Maybe you threw yourself fully into your work to distract yourself from what was going on at home. Maybe you started with exercise to keep yourself physically healthy, and your brain quickly figured out that exercise helped you feel better emotionally as well. ![]() Initially, your brain was just trying to find relief. ![]() ![]() Your attempts to cope probably didn’t start with the intent of numbing everything. Even if people do not say it, think about how many people you know (including yourself) who have tried to occupy or distract their minds to cope with various levels of stress. I cannot tell you how many times I have sat with individuals over the years and heard statements with similar sentiment. “If I keep myself busy enough, then I don’t have to think about it.” “If I start feeling, I’m afraid I will never stop.” “If I slow down, it might all catch up to me.” ![]()
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